Overview:
The Sword of Lameness is a weapon I've had very mixed feelings on. While it's a legendary weapon that many tout as one of the greatest on the site, I never found myself agreeing fully with that sentiment. And honestly, after thinking long and hard about it... I do genuinely think it is highly overrated. At least in the context of 1 player battling.

Accessibility: 0/4
This is one of the single most expeensve weapons available in the Hidden Tower, which is saying a lot, considering what Fyora often asks for her wares. And honestly? I don't think it's worth that price at all.

Viability: 2/5
This can do a whole lot on paper. Being able to freeze, heal, and do some damage? Sounds versatile, doesn't it? But that's where this weapon's biggest weakness lies. It doesn't do that all at once. In fact, I'd argue it only does something valuable anywhere between 12.5% and 25% of the time.

The attacking icons are so low for this price range that they aren't worth bothering with, and doing nothing is obviously awful. That leaves the healing and the freezing. Getting a full heal is nice... only if you have felt enough damage to need a heal, and if you're at that point, trying the roulette is not a good idea. The freeze, on the other hand, is always good, and the single best effect you can get from this weapon. But remember, this only happens 12.5% of the time, so an average of once every 8 turns. One player battles rarely last that long, and if they do, you'd be better off running a specialized set to counter that opponent in particular.

The worst part about all of this? This inconsistent as heck weapon has the gall to demand your freezer and healer slot. Sacrificing your healer slot isn't the worst thing in the world nowadays, thanks to the advent of the Obsidian Scorchstone, but it's still annoying that you have to pay an extra 22 million if you wanna use both this and a consistent healer. But the freezer slot? That's straight up a weapon killer. Nothing like the OSS exists for 100% freezers, so you're left without a consistent source of freezing if you decide to use this weapon. And anyone who's gotten fairly far into the battledome grind knows how important freezing is. If it didn't take up those slots, or at least not the freezer slot, this might've been a whole lot better, but I cannot in good conscience recommend using this over any 100% freezer.

Alternatives:
It's hard to recommend alternatives to such a malfunctioning swiss army knife of a weapon as this... If you want versatility, I guess check out the Wand of the Dark Faerie or The Mystical Tablet, both of which fill your multi-healing need for cheaper (And without taking up your healing slot!). If you want a multi-freezer, I wouldn't really recommend pursuing such a thing, but you could try the Ice Dice, I guess?

Bonus points:
Almost considered giving this a bonus for being so iconic, but I don't wanna give this more points than I think it deserves.

Final notes:
Alas, I think this weapon's name really does fit it well.

Rated on January 31, 2026

At a Glance (3/3):
This sword can execute a myriad of different functions. it has a 3/8 chance to lame your opponent with 3 icons of fire, water, air, and light damage each, a 2/8 chance to lame them with 15 icons of damage on average, and a 1/8 chance to either freeze your opponent, fully heal yourself, or do absolutely nothing.

In-Depth (3/4):
The offensive power isn't what you're going for with this. Technically, it's harder to directly counter due to its unpredictibility, though Hubrid Nox Memorial Shield would have the easiest time blocking it. But that's not why you're getting this.

This is, essentially, a Jade Scorchstone plus half of Ice Dice put together, with a little bit of BattleGlowJewel mixed in. However, to get the most out of it, you will need to take a good bit of damage first (it would be a waste to use it at or near full hp!). This weapon is more suited, therefore, with high-hp pets that can take a good bit of punishment, but not so much that it will outdamage your chances to heal.

Lets say that your opponent's maximum hit is 1/10th of your max hp. You should be able to use SoL after a hit or two and start mitigating your opponent's offense. Keep doing this, and you're opponent will be eventually worn down. If you're losing 1/2 or 2/3rds of your health, there's a good chance SoL won't be able to save you in time. That's why it's mostly used for big pets - because they can continue to gain hp and lower the effectiveness of their opponent's str boost.

This sword synergizes well with Wand of the Dark Faerie and Illusens Staff because of their multihealing. if you do take too much damage, you can stave off damage until you heal back up with WoDF/I-Staff + SoL. If you have WoDF AND I-Staff, then you have a fail-safe method of healing 45% of your health in one turn (should you fall below 5% of your max hp without dying)! With these things in mind, you could live almost forever in a battle!

Price (1/2):
15.5m is quite the price to pay, but it is an extremely effective weapon that can be used either in place of (as a cheap alternative), or alongside WoDF and I-Staff.

A downgrade to this is Bracelet of Kings.

Bonus (1/1):
How do I lamed people with such a crooked blade?

Final Score: 8/10

Rated on June 30, 2014

Overview: It was hard at first to be objective about the Sword of Lameness because of all the drool coming out of my mouth, but after some soul searching and pondering over its flaws, I was able to figure it to be a solid 9, and the reasons why.

The Good: Multi-heal and Multi-freeze. Let me repeat that. MULTI-HEAL and MULTI-FREEZE! This Hidden-Tower weapon is almost on par with the extremely expensive Wand of the Dark Faerie and Illusens Staff, while being much cheaper. Not only that, but it can still be paired with one of the two for an unstoppable duo. The price is the big winner though, as a Neopian doesn't need to be super rich to have multi-healing abilities. The 1 in 8 chance of either of the "good" outcomes is pretty nice, as the freezing is just under that of the Slumberberry Potion, while still being able to heal and fight. The icons aren't half bad, so you aren't throwing away your turn if the heal or freeze don't happen.

The Bad: To be usable, a pet needs enough HP to last a while. 1 in 4 rounds, the Sword of Lameness is going to either freeze or heal, either of which buy more time for the user. However, that means that 75% of the time the sword is going to attack or do nothing. The attack can be overpowered by the average Hidden Tower sword like the Sword of Skardsen or Kelpbeards Trident. Both of these cost less than 10m, but can easily out-damage the Sword of Lameness.

The Ugly Truth: The Sword of Lameness isn't for everyone. If a pet has a considering amount of HP compared to strength boost (either 2500+ for max stats or 300 for Fyora League), then the Sword of Lameness would be an amazing weapon. With lower-hp pets, it's unlikely the battle will go on long enough to witness both a freeze and heal, so neopoints would be better spend on a guaranteed healer like Bag of Healing Dust

Rated on March 30, 2014

Value 3/3: Multiheal with 12.5% chance of full heal almost justifies this weapon cost. The only other place you'll find that kind of constant heal is with the legendary Illusens Staff or Wand of the Dark Faerie, and both of them cost at least 20x more than this weapon. Add in multi-freeze, and the fact that it does a decent number of icons more than half the time and this weapon is worth every penny in the right situation.

Tactical 4/6: What is the right situation? Very, very long fights. This weapon is what will allow many people who can't afford the Illusens Staff or Wand of the Dark Faerie to have the chance a beating a war boss. That puts it in a class of 3. No other weapons in Neopia come close. Also, if HP increase returns, this will allow people without a L50 Illusen/Jhudora weapon to compete on high score lists.

Against ultra-high hp pets this could be good if it gave multiple heals/freezes, and it puts a few icons through the HT shields when it attacks, but with the massive damage output that occurs in high-league battling this is unlikely to be better than a standard once-per-battle freezer + healer combo.

The fact that, if you don't get a heal, you do get a good chance of a freeze or solid damage is highly redeeming for this weapon.

Other 0/1: Not useful to most neopians. Most of us will never have pets with enough HP for this to be worth it, or better than a once-per-batlte healer. The fact that it can sometimes do nothing is a disappointment; it could shoot you in the foot at crucial moments.

However, once this retires, expect the price to soar. Again, it's in a class of 3, and the other two consistently cost over 200M, and over 400M.

Conclusion: I struggled with whether to give this weapon a 7 or an 8 (or even a 9). This weapon is an effective tool. It's unique, but that doesn't make it great. It's pretty effective at what it needs to do, which is help you survive in a protracted fight, but it does that with considerably less grace and power than the Illusens Staff or Wand of the Dark Faerie. At 15M it is a steal, but it's still not going to be a weapon of choice in most battles.

Rated on September 7, 2013

Sword of Lameness is one of the most unique weapons in the game today. At first glance, Sword of Lameness may look like nothing more than a fun-weapon, kind of like a super-charged Magical Wheel Potion. However, upon further examination of the potential outcomes, one would notice that this weapon is a key component in 1-Player grinding for big pets.

Two-eighths of the time, Sword of Lameness will provide a 11 to 20 icon Earth/Physical attack, somewhat like a mini-Sword of Thare or Illusens Staff.

Three-eighths of the time Sword of Lameness will attack with a 12 icon attack featuring Water, Air, Fire, and Light icons. This attack is going to be easily mangled by defensive measures, and is not really anything special.

One-eighth of the time Sword of Lameness will do absolutely nothing.

For a price of over 14M, these effects are by no means exciting, but the real value of this weapon comes from the effects that it can provide a quarter of the time.

Sword of Lameness has a one-eighth chance of freezing the opponent, and it also has a one-eighth chance of giving the user a full heal. As a result, Sword of Lameness counts as both a healer AND a freezer.

Since Sword of Lameness counts as both a healer and a freezer, and both of these effects rely on a lot of chance, this weapon should never be used in a 2-Player fight. (The exception to this rule would be pets with thousands upon thousand of HP, but few people fall into this category.) Sword of Lameness is intended to function as a 1-Player weapon.

The ability to multi-freeze is really not all that special, considering both Slumberberry Potion and Ice Dice boast higher chances of freezing the opponent. Additionally, Slumberberry Potion can be found at a much lower price than Sword of Lameness. The real selling point of Sword of Lameness is its ability to fully heal to user one-eighth of the time. (on average)

Only two other weapons in the game can offer significant multi-healing: Wand of the Dark Faerie and Illusens Staff. Although both of these weapons can heal a significant amount of HP, most players will never come close to affording one of these powerhouses. Additionally, these weapons require that the user have a certain amount of HP remaining for the healing to kick in; Sword of Lameness could heal at any time. Sword of Lameness is not just for people who cannot afford one of the two mentioned weapons, however. Sword of Lameness can be equipped alongside these weapons.

No weapon can issue out full heals like Sword of Lameness can. Sword of Lameness can make lengthy 1-Player fights possible for users on mortal budgets, and it can make endurance 1-Player fights even more possible for those with Illusens Staff and Wand of the Dark Faerie. The real question is: When does Sword of Lameness become an appropriate 1-Player weapon for my pet?

The answer depends on the challenger. A players ability to defeat a challenger with their conventional weaponry and how much HP their pet has determine when Sword of Lameness might be useful. In general though, Sword of Lameness will not be necessary until a pet has 600, 800, preferably 1,000+ HP. A one-eighth chance of a full heal is not as likely as it sounds. A pet must be able to survive in battle long enough for the heals to come through, which is why Sword of Lameness is not for just any pet.

Because of its amazing unique effect, and the fact that a well-trained pet could theoretically defeat any challenger with this weapon, Sword of Lameness earns a perfect 10/10.

Rated on August 15, 2013